Tuesday, September 15, 2009

JOEY'S CORNER - HEY BITCHES!

JOEY'S CORNER
New Orleans (or NOLA, as they call it) resident Joey Swinson is back with more of his quick wit and keen observations on a variety of topics. And this time around, he adds some bite to his bark.
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Hey Bitches! Hope everyone had a fantabulous Labor Day. Listen, my first article last month was more prim and proper than this one is going to be. I typed all that educated and informative bullshit just to get the job. I hope I can touch on serious and trivial issues without having to act like I have a pole up my ass…well on second thought that might be fun. So stop jerking off to the nude pictures below and indulge me for a few minutes so I can voice my overrated opinion on a couple of things.
x
Southern Decadence 2009: Holy shit, where did all the fags come from?! This year’s Southern Decadence went off with blast. If you weren’t able to attend then I’m sorry but you missed one hell of a party. There were more Queens on the streets of New Orleans, than they have in European History books. My account of Southern Decadence is a little fuzzy due to my fantastic consumption of vodka, Jagermeister, and tequ… (Sorry, gag reflex…*clears throat) tequila! Decadence brought crowds from all over America to celebrate diversity and uninhibited debauchery. It will remain a New Orleans celebration every year so if you weren’t able to come this year make sure you cum next year; Sorry, I meant come…fuck it, do both.

TV Bitches: Fox has decided to bless us with Glee. With that said I am not sure if it is a blessing or a curse. The cast does offer us a really cute teacher, a jock who is sexy as hell, and of course the little twink that is so gay that I think I heard Elton John call him a faggot. Truth be told my best friend Gavin and I both have this weird crush on the little twink. But, since I watch TV with my eyes and not my libido I must say that Milli Vanilli had more talent with lip singing than the cast on Glee. Even a crack whore, coked out drag queen can put on a better performance before falling off stage on the way to her next bump than that cast did. It’s a cute show and an admirable plot of the loser becoming the popular kid but if the directors don’t step it up then Glee can be replaced with the Sarah Mclachlan ASPCA commercials since I’d rather cry while watching abused puppies than to cry from watching bad acting.



I do have to admit that I am obsessed with The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Before I go farther I think all housewives are pissed that these bitches aren’t cooking, cleaning, and wiping their husbands piss off the front of the toilet. Maybe they should change the title to The Rich Bitches of Atlanta. Nonetheless I am an addict. NeNe is my favorite even though I think that she needs to back off Kim so that trailer trash bitch doesn’t take off her earrings and wig and knock NeNe out with one of them tits. I loved Sheree at first but to be honest I’m over her. You can’t be a diva if you couldn’t keep your man, got evicted from your house, and your fashion line leaves everything to be desired since we haven’t seen shit yet. Take the time to get your shit together instead of wasting your time talking about who you are. Lisa started her line, likely just to punk you, and her models have walked down the runway with clothes on already. So stop calling yourself a designer until someone actually buys your shit. With that said, I still have love for you after "who gonna check me, boo". I have nothing negative to say about Lisa because we all saw that she comes from the hood. I am not pissing off some rich bitch just to have her pull a razor out her mouth and cut me with it and then bitch about me bleeding on her Prada. I like this new bitch Kandi. Now, people say she’s from the group Xscape and the first thing that comes to mind is who the fuck is Xscape. Regardless, she seems like she is a cool bitch and I have to learn how she does that "stank y eye". You know what I’m talking about…that look she gives people when she hasn’t said a word but her face is yelling "this bitch lost her mind". Speaking of a bitch losing her mind, what is up with Dwight thinking he is one of the housewives? He voices his opinion too much and it’s only a matter of time before TruTV does a special "When Fags Attack". Just calm down a little cause you have to represent. Otherwise, they are going to keep giving spotlights to that tragic thing that designs Kim’s wigs. You can’t wear a dress and heels without a wig and makeup! I’m sorry but that bitch looked like a drag queen with ADD…started getting ready and got distracted by the glitter.

Anniversaries: On a serious note, the past two weeks were the anniversary of both Hurricane Katrina and 9/11. Let us enjoy our lives but also let us remember those affected by two of the20most significant tragedies on American soil. I live in New Orleans and I’m still pissed at that bitch Katrina. The next time there is blowing like that in our city it better be during Southern Decadence with my pants around my ankles and that Twink from Glee practicing his lip singing if you know what I mean.

Why do people have to always be so fucking tragic? I had my article finished Sunday morning and then the VMAs played. I’m not writing my opinion on it yet except for one thing…who in the fuck does Kanye West think he is? I mean seriously??? Grow the fuck up and find some class because you made yourself look like a fucking douche bag. Your opinion doesn’t matter as much as you think and stealing someone’s spotlight so you can voice it is not only disrespectful but it proves how much of a cunt you are. Sorry, I guess that was a last minute rant but that bitch pissed me off. That’s plenty f or now, I’ll catch you bitches later and if you do something I wouldn’t do, then you’re fucking nasty. Bye Loves!

©Joey Swinson 2009

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