There is an element of fearlessness involved in the act of exposing oneself on an intimate level to the world…especially if it’s literal. Some would call it ego but that brings up the question of possible rejection, and few egos are truly comfortable with that notion. Porn stars have managed to overcome the anxiety of not only posing but performing in an explicit nature for a mass audience, but that takes a certain comfort level that many claim to posses but few are able to back up.
Benjamin Haukoos is not a porn star but he is totally at ease within the realm of displaying himself in full without little or no apprehension. He is a complicated man with a past full of both pain and pleasure. He is the product of an abusive background that turned his turmoil inward and projected outward onto those around him, becoming an abuser himself. He lost himself in the allure of drugs, partying and bad living and very well could have remained in that dark space if fate had not intervened.
A horrifying and tragic car accident almost took his life but he battled back through the physical and emotional scarring, waking up in the metaphorical sense and deciding that he needed to make some serious changes. Benjamin did what made sense to him and used his experiences to teach others about the value of life and treating others with love and respect.
Everyone has dreams and one of his was to make it into Playgirl. On the surface this may seem like a superficial goal, but when you have faced possible disfigurement and possess and a streak of exhibitionism, coupled with a natural masculinity and impressive endowment, it could only provide a certain satisfaction to realize that throughout it all, you are still sexy and desirable.
I wanted to feature Benjamin in BLISS because he represents a different kind of beauty and is completely different from the other models that have been profiled. He has a back story, a resilient spirit, a thoughtful mind, a loving heart, a beautiful physique and (of course) big cock that he doesn't mind showing off, even when it’s shooting off. His complete lack of modesty and sensuality made him the perfect choice for the cover of the first Sex Issue.
©2013 – Sean Dibble
BLISS: You have an interesting back story that has brought you to this point. What type of person would you say you used to be?
Benjamin Haukoos: The immensity of who I am today is nowhere near how I lived my life in the past. I was a person whom did what he pleased regardless of the consequences viz. lie, cheat, and steal to get my way. I used heavy drugs and drank alcohol to the point of violence against the ones that I loved immensely. Everything that I touched turned to pain and dejection. However, I cannot blame anyone else but myself for my own disgraceful actions.
B: What was the turning point for you that caused you to reevaluate your life?
BH: A devilish form of what was once a good person, my turning point was when I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, broke down in an ocean of tears, and screamed out loud in anguish. I honestly did not know who was glancing back at me! At this point, I knew that what I was experiencing was my “Rock Bottom”. I finally knew what it was that other people seen me as, a monster. I wanted/needed to change my ways badly. The next day, I made an appointment to get into drug treatment. I was 5 weeks sober when I was admitted. With a good support system and newly refurbished bridges that were once burnt to a crisp, I remained on the straight and narrow for just about 2 years. Loved life and everything it stood for. I had true friends, a good paying full-time job, my own apartment, and no debt. I even joined the First Lutheran church and was baptized for the first time in my life. My baptism was publicly televised.
B: What went through your mind at the time of your accident?
BH: My first initial thought was that I was hit in the face with a baseball bat and robbed, because I was carrying over $1400 in cash on me at the time. I really did not know what was going on until after I woke up from my first 8 hour surgery. I was informed that I was in an accident, and in St. Mary’s hospital at Mayo Clinic in Rochester MN. Just being promoted, I had to work the next day, and was concerned about that mostly. That is until I was handed a mirror. Disgusted and revolted at what I saw, “The Monster Was Back” I cursed God for doing this to me! I mean, I was a changed person living a peaceful and sober life. How could this happen to me?
B: Was there ever a moment where you felt that you would never be able to live a full life again?
BH: There was a time where I thought that I would never live life to the fullest, most certainly. My doctors put me on heavy narcotics for the pain. Being sober was ruined for me. Soon after the accident, I found myself at another bottom again. I was running out of money, $100,000 medical bill, and my support system was failing me because of the meds. I couldn’t go back to my old way of living, so I picked up a phonebook and called a therapist and booked an assessment. I was diagnosed with PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Severe Depression. Now with 4 years of therapy, Pain Rehab, Drug Rehab again (to get off pain pills), Vocational Rehab, and other forms of counseling Today, I am extremely glad that I survived. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger~
B: In some cases, abuse is a learned behavior. Did you come from an environment of domestic abuse?
BH: Yes I did. Watching both my parents abuse each other over the years when they were married. This taught me corrosively. However, what was learned can also be unlearned with help.
B: So why modeling? What about it appeals to you?
BH: Modeling and Fashion Design are my true callings in life! When I started feeling better about my life after the accident, I still could not find myself in the mirror. Needing reassurance that I was not hideous, I found out about Adonis Men Midwest in St. Paul/Minneapolis Minnesota through my tattoo artist Gilbert Johnson. I found out they were looking for a dancer and it intrigued me. I auditioned and soon after was selected for the position. Taking 18 credits’s a semester; I Double majored in Retail (Fashion) Merchandising and Interior Decorating. I danced every weekend during my first year in college, and was still able to remain on the honor roll with a 3.8. I figured once I made it to where I felt comfortable, I could model my own clothing for my clothing line that is soon to be launched. My clothing line is called Smarty Pantz Clothing, a woman’s & metrosexual’s boutique for high fashion & modern design. “Bring Your A Game”
B: Who was the first photographer you worked with and what was the shoot like?
BH: My first photographer was Paul Nixdorf out of south Minneapolis. There are plans to work with Paul, Marlen Boro- my second photographer out of St. Paul, & Dave Larson- 3rd photographer out of Ames Iowa, in the near future. I was completely nervous at my first shoot, and did not know what to expect! We went over the paperwork, then a few basic poses. Every second was intense, and I left the op with a giant smile on my face & huge chip on my shoulder. The reason why was, because when we went over the photos after the shoot, I found myself loving the way I looked. It felt good! I thought to myself that I could get use to this & wanted more! I still have a bit of performance anxiety when working with a new photographer for the first time, but that feeling soon fades and I am able to have fun.
B: How do you prepare yourself for a photo shoot?
BH: To prepare myself for a photo op, there must be excellent communication between model and photographer at all times. Having a good attitude, along with the carrying the right goals for the shoot, shows on film. Depending on the goal at hand, I like to prepare myself in an acute fashion with pleasant and positive outlooks.
B: You frequently pose nude as well as do erotic work. What is your viewpoint on nudity?
BH: I am so glad that you asked this question! To me, being naked is the most natural state anyone can be in, period. One must accept their own body for what it is, your soul’s vessel, an outer shield guarding & protecting you as it helps your soul learn what hurts, feels good, and everything in-between.
B: Do you feel that the images you take are artistic or do they venture into the porn area?
BH: The images of me that are captured are an intelligence of intertwining worlds between both art and porn. Art is everywhere! Art is everything! It just depends on who you are as a person, and how you look at whatever it is that you see. That’s it! What appeals to me, might not do the same thing for another.
B: This is the SEX issue and BLISS is very supportive of porn performers. What is your viewpoint on pornography? Would you consider doing porn?
BH: Again depending on whom you are, one must properly define pornography to begin with. I have found that there are no wrong answers here! Still images, moving pictures, a bare part of the body viz., leg, face, foot, genitals, breasts, pecks, erotic fetishes etc. However, I would like to get involved in the whole cinema aspect of pornography one day. Depending on how prestigious of an organization, like a Larry Flynt production, it would be a great addition to my modeling career & resume. I don’t think that it would be degrading at all either. Why not catch a beautiful moment, bodies between souls, on camera forever! As long as it’s safe and no one ends up with a STD it‘s cool. In my book, having sex, making love, sharing intercourse, and fore play, are all healthy ways to express yourself. I love to share with the world what could inspire others to do in some way. Like staying fit, eating right, and especially spicing it up the bedroom.
B: Do you have boundaries when it comes to the types of images you will not do?
BH: I am an extremely open-minded person and like to express this to the fullest. As long as what I do can be appreciated as art, no one gets hurt, and give the viewer an emotion, then there is no bounds in where I will go with this.
B: You are very supportive of the gay community, which accounts for many of your fans. Where did this level of acceptance come from?
BH: Ever since I was a young man, I have been looking for true love! My acceptance comes from some major life-altering events that happened to me in my past. When I was 6 years old I was sexually assaulted by a male cousin, and was forced to perform oral sex. I was reassured that what I was doing was okay. It wasn't Having adult thoughts in my head, being that I was only six years old, made me skip over some very important and valuable lessons along the way. Later on, around the time that I was about 19 and 20 years old, I had a girlfriend (ex-wife later on) who cheated on me many times when I was with her, even when we were married. Fed up with women and the pain of being cheated on, when I loved unconditionally, I wanted to seek out a relationship with a man to see if that would be my solution. I had to give it a chance right? Soon after being with a man, I realized that it didn't matter if a person is a man or woman emotionally or sexually in a relationship. I got the same drama, the same way! Frustrated and still in search for true love I pondered an idea. I needed a person who was mature-minded and that wouldn't freaking cheat on me! So, I started a relationship with a woman 14 years older than me. We were later engaged, however, this was the time of my drug using & violent days, and it didn't last. I don’t understand why everyone that I have ever been with has cheated on me? Where have all the good people in the world, with good morals and kind hearts, gone? I will never give up looking for my soul mate! I know what I am looking for.
B: What advice would you give to a new male model who was considering shooting nudes?
BH: My advice would be, to accept & love your body the way it is without conditions. If there are some things that you would like to change, develop or formulate a plan of action in which to do so into small steps. If a step seems overwhelming, break it down into smaller and more manageable steps, keeping the goal in mind of course. Also, find a support group and practice & love being naked by yourself and in front of others that you trust. Furthermore, it helps to block out worry and anxiety. Replace all of your negative thoughts with things that excite and make you smile on the inside. It will show on film and it doesn't look sexy if you are in a bad mood!
B: As a photographer, there are many artists that I admire and gain inspiration from. Are there any male models who you look up to or whose careers you are inspired by?
BH: Matt Gordon, Nick Snider, Evandro Soldati, & Larry Flynt. Their success inspires me the most.
B: You are still new to the industry so I’m not sure how expansive your knowledge is when it comes to photographers, but are there any that you hope to work with in the future?
BH: As a matter of fact there are. Dwight Strickland and Pedro Virgil. I’ll be working with them both very soon! Dwight, for the spring 2013 cover of FROZEN Magazine out of Hotlanta. Pedro, a celebrity photographer, our op will be in the Caribbean on February 23, 2013.
B: The work I have seen has been solo images. Would you consider posing for a homoerotic artistic image?
BH: I would love the opportunity to pose with others. I am an open-minded person. So, my answer would be yes, however, I would like to incorporate women into the mix as well.
B: Sex and sexuality are big parts of who we are as individuals. What do you look for in a sexual partner?
BH: I am on the lookout for a partner, yes I am single, that brings good qualities with them and the best out in me. My partner must be receptive to my thoughts as well as creating new ideas to keep it hot in and out of the bedroom. I have never had sex on the kitchen table or counter top before. There are a number of sexual positions that I have never experienced as well. I can get very acrobatic and like it rough; hair pulling, talking dirty, spanking, & nails in my back! My partner must be a clean person, shaved (I dislike hair below because I love to give oral sex), well groomed, & NO STD’s!!
B: Do you have a favorite sexual position or act?
BH: Yes, I love them all except for boring old missionary!
B: How old were you when you lost your virginity?
BH: I was 8 years old. Please remember, I was molested at 6 and had sexual thoughts in my head ever since. I lost my virginity to a girl that lived across the street from me in Glenville MN.
B: What about masturbation – what are your thoughts/feelings on the subject?
BH: I love to masturbate and like to every day. I’m single remember? No worries, some of the best sex that I have ever had, has been with myself. I know exactly what to do and how I like it! What I don’t understand are the people that don’t masturbate for some reason. It feels good, so why not right?!
B: Is penis size important?
BH: Yes size does matter, however, it depends on who your partner is! Also, it matters in how it’s used as well! I have had no complaints in that department and I find mine to be average+.
B: Sexiness is in the eyes of the beholder. What do you consider sexy?
BH: Inner beauty please, it’s not just about the way someone looks! It’s all an attitude and personality thing for me. Intelligence; Ambition, along with some physical characteristics: smoking curves (A person‘s most sexy curve: Their Smile), sexy hair, loves shoes, good personal hygiene, a obtaining a kind heart with a wild side, are some of the top things that turn me on and I find sexy.
B: You physique is admirable but is there anything about your body you’d like to change?
BH: Yes. My body is constantly changing. I am currently working on gaining muscle. I would like to have my arms/shoulders larger and my abs more well defined. So far so good.
B: Looking back on all the shoots you’ve done, what is the best lesson you’ve learned as a model?
BH: To be fully prepared for the shoot. Excellent communication between everyone involved is extremely important! Having a goal for your shoot is also as equally important. Photo ops don’t always go the way that they are planned, so developing contingency plans are a must.
B: What is your goal for 2013 in terms of your modeling?
BH: My biggest goal for 2013 is to win a finalist position and contract as a Spokesmodel in a contest for ClickStartMe.com out of Tampa. I am currently a contestant and doing amazing. I would also like to become a paid model for a magazine, production, or prestigious clothing company. The op with Pedro Virgil in the Caribbean, the goal is to submit into Playboy, Playgirl, Hustler, Penthouse, & a few prestigious fitness and tattoo magazine companies.
B: As an inspirational speaker, what do you think are the most important qualities each of us should work on?
BH: Understanding and acceptance. Before a person can give advice and inspire others to better their lives, one must first completely accept themselves and come to terms with their past and who they are. Understanding that we are all human and make mistakes, what someone does after realizing the mistake is more important than the mistake itself.
B: Any last words for your fans?
BH: Even if you know and feel that what you are doing is good, there are people that are going to reject what you do. I have found for every one person who doesn't like it, there are 10,000 that do. Do things that make a better difference in who you are as a person! A more rounded individual you will become with every opportunity to grow. One must use mistakes & disasters as doorways, windows, & paths. Endure this with great fortitude & you will achieve enlightenment In anything that you do. Everyone is blessed in one way or another. It's up to oneself to utilize this gift to its fullest. "Don't live in regret and miss your calling!" <----whatever ---="---"> It's never too late!!!! Once you find & run with it, your blessing(s), you will feel golden baby! I am not better than anyone else that believes that! It truly is self exclamatory. Just live the Golden Rule & you'll be fine sexy.----whatever>
Ultimately, eliminate worry, doubt, and or any negative thoughts from your mind. Replace those thoughts with good things and then you will be golden baby. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. You can do anything if you try. Never give up on your dreams. Try hard! They are closer to you than you think. I believe in you! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger~
“You don’t have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.” -C.S. Louis
“Dream your dreams with your eyes closed, but live your dreams with your eyes open." -Eric Collier
“Dream your dreams with your eyes closed, but live your dreams with your eyes open." -Eric Collier
©2013 – Sean Dibble